Procrustes it not!

According to Greek mythology, a crook named Procrustes had a unique manner of “helping” guests who came through his inn. He would offer them a free bed to sleep in, with unsuspecting visitors not knowing that there was a catch. He had a one-size-fits-all philosophy, and the bed he offered was the standard measurement. He would chop off their legs if the visitors were too tall to make them fit. He would stretch them to fit the bed’s length if they were too short. No one ever truly fit, and no one left his house whole.

It’s a terrible story, I agree. Still, if we look closely, we might recognise Procrustes’ methods in how modern society sometimes deals with mental health issues.

Procrustes in Everyday Life

A lot of well-meaning people, including friends, family, and even professionals, sometimes try to force, coerce, or cajole others into a pre-set mould when it comes to mental well-being, believing in a particular way to cope with pain, manage stress, or heal from trauma. And when someone’s struggles don’t fit their expectations, they try to “trim” or “stretch” them to the solution.

“Just be positive.” When someone is struggling with their mental health, they may hear, “You just need to think happy thoughts” or “Other people have it worse.” This is the equivalent of stretching or forcing them to adopt an unnatural mindset rather than acknowledging their real pain.

“You shouldn’t feel that way.” Dismissing someone’s emotions because they don’t align with what is expected is like cutting off a part of them. A better way is to make room for their feelings. Responses like this force them to suppress parts of themselves to “fit” into a more acceptable emotional state.

“This worked for me.” When those who have overcome challenges give advice, it is commendable. This becomes an issue when these people presume that it should work for everyone because it worked for them. This is yet another form of the Procrustean bed. 

Healing is not the same for everyone.

When individuals are forced to fit into predefined moulds, they often:

• Suppress their emotions rather than process them.

• Feel guilty or broken for not “fixing” themselves the way others expect.

• Accept harmful coping mechanisms because they believe their natural responses are invalid.

 This is how people are stretched beyond their limits or cut down to something they are not to meet external expectations or to receive validation. Over time, this leads to emotional exhaustion, increased anxiety, depression, and even suicide ideation.

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Protect yourself by:

• Recognising the Procrustes Effect: Be aware of when advice or solutions feel forced rather than supportive. If something doesn’t fit you, it’s okay to reject it.

• Embrace individual healing: Healing looks different for everyone. Some find therapy helpful; others need solitude, creativity, or movement. There is no universal “correct” way to heal.

• Set boundaries: When someone insists their way is the only way, politely but firmly remind them that your journey is yours. You are not required to shrink or stretch to meet someone else’s expectations.

• Seek tailored support: Find people, whether therapists, friends, or support groups, who acknowledge your experiences and offer personalised guidance instead of a rigid formula.

The Procrustes of this world would look like a great host, offering a bed for weary travellers. But might offer “help” that comes at a terrible cost. With many turning to unofficial advisers these days, many will proffer mental health advice with good intentions but fail to see the harm of forcing one-size-fits-all solutions. Accurate ‘help’ will not force people to conform but instead allow them to heal in a way that recognises their unique experiences.

Your mind is not something to be chopped or stretched but to be understood, nurtured, and appreciated. No matter how good their intentions are, don’t let anyone push you to take a one-size-fits-all approach to your healing.

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Oluwaseun Dawodu

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