The Heart of the Nigerian Big Man

The Heart of the Nigerian Big Man is ugly as a toad. He is usually the product of years of arse kissing, two or more criminal activities or he was born entitled, with a golden spoon.

He sees himself as better and higher than everyone else. An arrogance that stems from the fact that he managed to survive and to become a “Big Man” amongst his poor peers.

Do you know who I am? Do you think it’s easy to be a big man in this economy?

He loves to be respected by his fellow big men and worshipped by the smaller men that he passes his crumbs too. This respect often comes at a cost because then he has to do things to show his fellow Big men that he too is a Big man. He could buy an elephant just for the nods and arse wipes from those he wants to prove to that he is as Big as them. It’s all a facade, and he would wear the face if it would aid his greedy play.

He is ready to do anything to preserve his Big man status. Even if it means shaking hands with the devil. He would sacrifice everybody around him, and even himself, to retain that spot where he is seen as Lord and Master above all. Respect is a costly gem.

He is often lazy, and doesn’t like competition. He’ll rather find ways to steal from the next person, or get him outrightly banned than think of ways to improve himself or his products. You’ll often find him praying prayers like, “Let everyone opposing my success die by fire.”

He loves money and believes it is the answer to everything. It can often make people do anything. He is small-minded, so he doesn’t put in the effort, and would rather do anything to get that money than actually think things through.

He is the most religious man around. He needs to be a saint to his community and hold as many titles as possible to remind himself and those around him how important he is. He would always smile for the camera, pouring his crumbs to the poor, even when he is the reason for their poverty.

He secretly hates other Big men. Their existence often reminds him of how common and ordinary he is, indirectly attacking his God ego. Remember he wants to feel like he is above everyone else, so he often plots and contributes to the downfall of these other Big men in order to feel good about himself. He craves attention so much and would do anything so he would be the one everybody is looking at and clapping for.

He will do anything to stop anybody around from being a fellow Big man. Do you know how hard it was for me to reach where I am? Why should that small boy get here? Someone new becoming as Big as him somehow takes away from his self esteem and makes him less of himself as it means one or more less worshippers, and so, less arse-kissing. So He can do anything he can in order to remove the spotlight from
anyone it might be falling on, gatekeeping any means anyone else might have to become as Big as he thinks he is. Small minded like I said.

He is not your friend. His stomach is like a ruminant, and would easily eat you up if you suit his appetite. Anything he does is for his benefit and the portrayal of his image as your helper. He, however, believes that his God loves him and is rewarding him for his actions. He is never wrong. It’s always a “mistake”.

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Micheal

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